


i don't care much

by greninja



Series: canonverse edling [2]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Angst?, M/M, hkjdsf idk the first version of this was Way more emo. i toned it down a lot, im not sure what to say this really is my first rodeo, light swearing because u know he would have a potty mouth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-06
Updated: 2017-12-06
Packaged: 2019-02-11 07:44:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12930705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greninja/pseuds/greninja
Summary: words sound false when your coat's too thin/feet don't waltz when the roof caves in/so if you kiss me, if we touch/warning's fair, i don't care very muchtakes place between chapters 83/84 (or brohood episodes 45/46, if that's your thing). ed likes ling, ling likes ed, and they're both klutzes.





	i don't care much

**Author's Note:**

> one thing that bugs me a lot about so many fics is that teenage characters don't... act like teenagers? i imagine neither ed nor ling as smooth-talking sexperts-- like, whatever the diametric opposite of that is is them lol
> 
> it's only tangentially related at this point, but the title and summary come from the song in the musical "cabaret" that made me come up with this idea.
> 
> also i sat on this for a month bc i wasn't sure what to do with it but fuck it here we go

Ed was surprised to find himself full of something so soft. Silk-spun sweetness was a nice change of pace, since so often his worries weighed him down like rocks clacking in the pit of his stomach, but he never knew how to be happy-- it was just always too hard for him to let his guard down. No one was to see the blood and guilt seep through his calloused skin. He resolved to bury his suffering within himself.

There were certain kinds of nights that made him loosen up, though, like this one-- a torrential rain fell in thick sheets, giving rise to seas among grasses. A little stupid, but sloshing around made him feel giddy somewhere beneath his thickened skin, and he could hear his daydreams splash gently against the walls of his skull.

He was full to the brim with thoughts of Ling Yao. His mannerisms, his arresting smile, all the silly things he liked to do with his hair and how much he wanted to run his own fingers through it.

Ed couldn’t remember the last time he’d talked to Al or Winry, and missed the feeling of intimacy, of safety he felt with his family. Of course, he’d jeopardized that safety as soon as he escaped with Darius and Heinkel under Kimblee’s command-- he tried his best not to dwell on it. He had spent the last couple of months living as a fugitive, never staying in one place for long, with only an irritable homunculus and those two chimera for company throughout the day. It was most often in the evenings when Greed and Ling would switch places. As obnoxious as he was, even Greed had a threshold for the amount of bullshit he could tolerate. Ed lived for the hours he had to spend with Ling.

The steady patter of the rain was a well-deserved comfort. On the way to a safe house in the woods outside of Central, where the disheveled bunch was to settle for the night, Ed had slipped in some mud and fallen flat on his ass. He’d been distracted by Ling, who walked carefully in front of him.

_ Wish I could lean on those shoulders. _

Getting dirty pissed him off a bit, but those feelings quickly ceded to warmth when Ling offered a hand to his mud-covered idiot fool self, helplessly lying on the ground. 

With the group having reached their shelter, Ed leaned back against a wall, dramatically smacked his head against it, and groaned. So did the wall-- it creaked abruptly from the unnecessary force with which he sat down.

“My stumps hurt.”

Darius shot him an exhausted look while lighting a small lamp. What a liability of a kid! He had a low tolerance for Ed’s petty complaints.

“Hey, it’s a thing. They get sore when the weather changes. It happens with, like, broken bones. Other stuff like that.”

The man ignored Ed, and he and Heinkel began to talk quietly about something, stepping aside. Ling sat down next to Ed, shifting his weight between loose floorboards.

“You’re shaking,” said the prince. “Do you feel well?”

“Oh, fuck off.” Being rude was force of habit for Ed, but he decided to stop, just this once. “I’m… actually feeling okay right now. Thanks.”

“That’s good. Sorry about the mud and all.”

“No, it’s fine. I have fun in rainstorms. Reminds me of times with Al, back in Resembool when we were little kids.” He smiled. “Kinda wish I hadn’t wrecked my clothes, though. With alchemy, cleaning them should be fine. Later, though. I’m not feeling it right now.”

Ling looked away for a moment, with a weird, pensive expression that always made Ed wonder what could possibly color his face so seriously. He looked back at Ed, shimmying off the thick wool shoulder and sleeve of his own coat. “Want in?”

“Sure?”

He sat next to Ling, who put one half over Ed’s right shoulder, the other over his own left. Ed’s mind tripped over itself as he processed this series of subtle gestures.  It was exactly what he wanted to happen, but he still refused to own up to it. As Ed thought about how much prettier his face was up close, Ling’s gentle right hand posited itself on his shoulder, pulling him in a bit closer.

Ed’s accelerating heartbeat echoed in his chest, dancing with the rain that still streaked the windows. His panic subsided as he leaned into his friend’s warmth, as he had so badly wanted to for so long. Ling’s quiet seeped into Ed, who, relaxing, had almost nestled under his arm. It was the kind of moment they had both craved after so many awful, cold nights.

Slowly, a choppy, heaving rhythm swelled to life beside Ed. _ Is he crying? _

“Ling, you good?” Ed avoided his eyes, knowing tears would bog him down.

“I always feel so guilty when I’m sitting still.”

“Huh?”

“I grew up being trained to fight, and… just studying. History, culture, foreign relations, all in the hopes that I’d become emperor some day. I didn’t get to be a normal kid. Came here to make it all worthwhile, and I’m sitting here, doing nothing. Like, how can I feel good about… selfishly taking a break when so many people are expecting me to accomplish so much?”

“Like… you mean all this ‘promised day’ bullshit is getting to you?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean… get a philosopher’s stone, go home, assume the throne? Beat the bad guys or… whatever the fuck on the way? The ever-shrinking time frame you have to pull it off?”

“Sort of.” Ling’s voice was a tremor. “I mean, what am I going to do if I fail at it? Yeah, I have Greed, but he’s so… volatile. I don’t want my success on this mission to hinge on him. Even if I do bring a stone back… I can’t run a country! Honestly? My life won’t matter if I fail at this.” He pressed his fingers to his cheek, stressed. Ed, being the idiot fool he was, had no idea how to react.

“I… yeah. I get it. I became a state alchemist to fix Al, and myself… I still haven’t figured out shit.”

This elicited a choked, sarcastic laugh from Ling. At least he wasn’t crying anymore.

“Like… it’s hard. It’s really hard to deal with.” Ed looked back at Ling. “I had to grow up when I was 11 years old. So many people are worse off because of my mistakes. I have no idea how I’m gonna rectify, like… anything I’ve done. I’m one of the only people in the damn country who knows what’s going on with the government, and now I’ve fucked up so badly that if I show my face, they’ll never let me escape again. Sucks especially now with this doomsday clock shit hanging over our heads--”

“I have no idea what it is you’re trying to say, but it’s not helping, Ed.”

“Sorry. I mean... I just thought I’d tell you that… I get it. I don’t know what to do, but I get it. Sort of?”

They sat still for a few moments, potent silence squashed into what little space there was left between them, ready to burst. Ed inched closer to Ling, almost sitting on him, and sheepishly let his face fall. It was manageable in that moment, to stare into this storm’s eye.

“We really don’t know what’ll happen to either of us, huh? For all we know, we could both just die. Never make it back home.”

“What the fuck? Too existential. That shit freaks me out.” Ed moved in a way that caused the coat to slide off their collective shoulders. He apologized, and fixed it in its previous position.

Ling continued on, cracking a weak smile. “Okay, but I was just thinking. I’m more than what’s expected of me, you know? I don’t want to be just an emperor in training. Make choices and memories that are entirely my own. Ones I can carry with me to remind myself that I’m a real person.” 

“Yeah. I don’t want to just be a human sacrifice, or whatever it is the homunculi say.”

“Let’s not think about the promised day right now. Just-- uh, we can calm down. I wanna stay frozen in this moment. It’s pretty here, you think?” Ling weakly craned his neck to peer out of one of the shack’s dusty windows to breathe in the damp air. “I like the scent of the rain. The forest’s… nice. No one’s really around except for Heinkel and Darius doing god-knows-what outside and the cute boy I’m sharing my coat with--”

“You-- do you like? Me?” Ed didn’t even want to think about how embarrassed he must have looked.

“How clueless are you?”

“I’m what?” Ed thought he was doing a good job of pretending like he hadn’t just been metaphorically run over. 

_ That’s my blood staining the road, huh? _

“Come on, Ed! Your eyes are saying everything you refuse to say yourself.” He paused to hold Ed’s hands in his own, barely whispering, as if he had retreated into his own mind. “My favorite flowers back home are the same color.”

“You’re-- yeah. I like you too. A lot, dumbass.” Ed’s voice was rushing. “You’re really… you’re so... handsome? I’m sorry, I’m so awful at… words. I’ve never done this before?” They both laughed. 

Without much thought, Ling threw anxiety-rigid arms around Ed and kissed him. Ed was messy and deeply awkward. Neither one regretted it. He toppled over, not quite knowing what to do with his head and his hands, and brought the prince down with him. 

They decided to ditch the coat, and the storm outside underscored one face leaning into another, hand clutched in hand. Ling rested his chin on Ed’s head as the other boy melted into him. 

“I like talking to you just like this. Not to contradict, but I don’t feel like I’m wasting my time with you. I’m home,” Ed said, rose-flushed, meekly smiling. “You make me feel safe. That should count for something.”

Silk-spun sweetness. Stupid fantasies-- maybe they were okay sometimes. Maybe Ed could handle laying bare his heart and lungs, exposing his inside-out chest.

**Author's Note:**

> the use of idiot fool is very deliberate


End file.
